Love Languages: A Helpful Tool or Overhyped Buzzword?
As you’ve consumed popular media or scrolled on social media apps, you have most likely heard the term “love languages”. This term comes from a book called “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, published in 1992. Gary Chapman wrote this book based on his experience counseling couples and describes what he observed to be five main ways people prefer to express and receive love from their partners.
The five love languages are:
Words of Affirmation: verbal appreciation, compliments, “You look stunning!”
Quality Time: giving time and your full attention to your partner, such as a conversation without distraction.
Receiving Gifts: thoughtful, meaningful gifts of love, can be hand made or bought.
Acts of Service: doing helpful things for your partner such as folding the laundry or doing an errand for them.
Physical Touch: showing love through physical affection such as hugging, kissing, or holding hands.
The Five Love Languages is a popular concept because it can be used as a conversation topic on a first date to learn if your love languages match up. If you are already in a relationship, having an awareness of your partner’s love language can help you understand how your partner desires to receive love from you. In other words, you can learn to speak their love language and make them feel valued and loved.
However, love languages can become overhyped when there is the claim that it is the key to long lasting relationship satisfaction. In fact, there is little scientific evidence supporting the concept of love languages and more research needs to be done to prove its effectiveness. Another criticism goes against the claim that we only have one primary love language. In reality, you may prefer all five love languages at different times or in certain moments. Humans are complex and our love cannot be boxed into only one type. I know when I first learned about love languages, I struggled with choosing only one love language because I give love and desire to be loved in all five ways!
So, although it can be a fun conversation starter or a helpful tool to get to know your partner better, one thing to keep in mind is that it won’t solve all relationship problems. What is important is to listen, be attentive, and show empathy and responsiveness to what your partner may need to feel loved by you.
-Undergraduate intern, Jade Umanzor
