Love Maps
Hello to the new year, 2026! If I take a minute to think back to 2025, however, I realized I have learned a lot when it comes to the relationships I have with other people. One main thing I learned was that if I want to build a strong relationship - whether that be with a romantic partner, friend, or family member - I have to put some effort into getting to know the person and entering their unique world.
You may have heard of the term “love maps” from the Sound Relationship House theory by Dr. John Gottman, who developed the theory based on existing research from the Gottman Institute. The Sound Relationship House is a useful tool that couples can use to build stronger relationships, and the foundation of the relationship house is building love maps! So… what is a love map?
A love map is basically a way to get to know your partner’s world. You can think of it like discovering a new island and drawing up a map of how it looks, the qualities it has, the unique things on the island, or writing about the history of the island. If you get my analogy, you are learning more about who your partner is. This is the most important step in building a healthy relationship because it becomes the foundation of your relationship house.
Building love maps from the beginning can start out with simple getting to know you questions (“what are your favorite hobbies?”), but over the course of the relationship, it is recommended to often sit down with your partner and strengthen that foundation of your love map with deeper questions (“what is a challenge that shaped who you are today?”). Having a strong foundation means having detailed love maps that can help your relationship get through stress or conflict.
To start building a love map of your partner, you can simply look up fun, deep, or thoughtful “getting to know you” questions online. Personally, I have also enjoyed playing 20 questions. To help you get started, here are some love map questions provided from the Gottman website:
Sample Love Map Questions:
Name your partner’s two closest friends.
What was your partner wearing when you first met?
Name one of your partner’s hobbies.
What stresses your partner right now?
Describe in detail what your partner did today or yesterday.
What is your partner’s fondest unrealized dream?
What is one of your partner’s greatest fears or disaster scenarios?
What is my favorite way to spend an evening?
What is one of your partner’s favorite ways to be soothed?
Name a person your partner dislikes.
What is your partner’s ideal job?
What medical problems does your partner worry about?
-Undergraduate intern, Jade Umanzor
Reference: Build Love Maps - Gottman
